Tagged by Natalia (indirectly); tagging whoever really wants to fill this thing in.

I started trying to correct the grammar of these questions, but then I got bored and decided to ridicule them instead. This may explain any inconsistencies in my tone or style.

1. At what time did you get up this morning?
7.00. Barely alive, but I still made it.

2. How do you like your steak?
So rare it’s almost alive.

3. Which was the last film you saw at the cinema?

That would be Brüno. Crazy, crazy nonsense.

4. Which is your favourite TV show?
I no longer receive television, but I have a lot of Dad’s Army and Star Trek, all of Spaced and Black Books on DVD. I like those.

5. Where would you live if you could live anywhere?
Right here in Exmouth. It’s quiet, surrounded by nice scenery and my family are here. We have a railway station, and the motorway and an airport are nearby, so anywhere else I can visit.

6. What did you have for breakfast?
A bacon sandwich and a coffee

7. Which is your favourite cuisine?
Indian. I like food that tastes of something.

8. Which foods do you dislike?
Mayonnaise, salad that has any dressing on it at all, potato salad and trifle.

9. Which is your favourite place to eat?

10. Which is your favourite dressing?
What did I just say?

11.Which type of vehicle do you drive?
Two-seat sports cabriolet. Black.

12. Which are your favourite clothes?
I have different favourites depending on whether the occasion is casual, formal or professional. I like my dinner jacket a lot, but I wouldn’t wear it to the pub. The common factor is black. I like black.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance?

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
That entirely depends on whose round it is next.

15. Whence would you like to retire?
I’ll worry about that if I make it to fifty.

16. Which is your favourite time of day?
Probably early evening, when work’s over but I’m not too knackered to enjoy it.

17. Where were you born?
Exeter, the county town of Devon, about seven miles up the river from here.

18. Which is your favourite sport to watch?

19. Who do you think will not tag you back?
No idea who’s tagged.

20. Whom do you expect to tag you back first?
See above.

21. Whose responses to this are you most curious to see?
I’m not.

22. Are you a bird watcher?
If I’ve nothing better to look at, yes.

23. Are you a morning person or a night person?
I’m a person all the time, but I’ll answer the question I think you meant to ask. Night. Mornings belong to work, but the night belongs to me.

24. Do you have any pets?
Not to my knowledge. I had a pet spider that I didn’t know about, but it walked over the wrong shoulder.

25. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share?
I nearly had a nasty car accident yesterday afternoon because some idiot thought that approaching a blind corner on the wrong side of the road in a sixty zone was better than sitting behind cyclists. My quick reactions saved all of us.

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
A Spitfire pilot.

27. What is your best childhood memory?
My brother and I had found a blank cartridge case on the common and put it into a fire to see what would happen. That was a very loud noise.

28. Are you a cat or dog person?
Cats. Install a flap in the door, put food down twice a day and they’ll take care of the rest. Dogs require work.

29. Are you married?

30. Always wear your seat belt?
Always wear your seat belt.

31. Have you ever been in a car accident?
Yes. Nothing serious recently, but I slept through a nasty one when I was a baby.

32. Any pet peeves?

33. Which pizza toppings are your favourites?
Anything made of meat, especially when it’s spicy.

34. Favourite flower?
I used to eat daffodils when I was a toddler, but these days I have no preference.

35. Favourite ice cream?
Mint choc chip.

36. Favourite fast food restaurant?
Ali’s kebab house, Exeter Road, Exmouth.

37. How many times did you fail your driving test?
Three or four times. I forget how many. Full marks first time for the theory test, though.

38. From whom did you receive your last email?
A friend in Canada.

39. In which shop would you choose to max out your credit card?
I neither want nor need a credit card. Give me an unlimited line of credit and a couple of dusty old bookshops, though, and I’ll show you how to spend money.

40. Have you done anything spontaneous lately?
Booked flights to Kiev, basically on a whim.

41. Do you like your job?
Most of the time.

42. Broccoli?
If you mean ‘is there broccoli?’, of course there is: if it didn’t exist you wouldn’t be talking about it. If you’re just naming vegetables and putting question marks after them, then I say unto you: ‘cabbage?’. If you’re asking whether I like it or not, then yes; provided that it’s fresh and properly cooked.

43. Which holiday has been your favourite?
Florence, about six years ago. Three of us went there and it was great.

44. Who was the last person with whom you went out to dinner?
The last people were my parents, my brother, his girlfriend, a couple of friends who are in the same line of business as us and a trainee who was coming into the lab the following day for some training.

45. What are you listening to right now?
High-speed grinders from downstairs and the rustle of the post being packaged to my right.

46. Which is your favourite colour?
It’s more of an absence than a colour, but black.

47. How many tattoos do you have?

48. How many people are you tagging for this quiz?
I don’t tag.

49. At what time did you finish this quiz?
About eleven in the morning: tea-break time.

50. Coffee Drinker?
I’ll take three coffee drinkers and someone who likes scones, please. Try using verbs, articles and pronouns in your sentences: you’ll be amazed how much more sense you make that way.

I drink coffee when I’m tired and need not to be. The rest of the time I don’t.